Here Comes the Dreamer

It has been truly hard to put into words accurately the complete mind shift I have experienced as I have walked closer to the Lord these past several years. I know that especially in 2020, it was a year of so much unprecedented change for so many people, including myself. I found myself leaving behind someone who I used to be and now have begun to stand on the edge of who I was always meant to be. I have endured the process like so many by letting go of old ideologies and have allowed God to speak, refresh and revive me in a way that I have not experienced before.

Some of you may know my story, but when I returned to the US after being on a yearlong mission trip from the UK, I experienced a devastating loss of my mother who fought cancer for a very long time and also endured a yearlong trial of unfortunate, painful events. I lost a lot in a short amount of time and it affected me mentally, spiritually and physically. For the first time in my life, I related to Job. My soul was crushed, and a part of me died. It was during this time that I really had to rediscover who I was in Christ again. The loss of her hit me so incredibly hard that it led me on a path of separation of God from my own perceived guilt. He didn’t separate Himself from me, but I certainly did! I was overcome by shame, sin and brokenness. I was angry because I had been taught for so long that my faith was powerful enough to save the world if I prayed and fasted hard enough. I was even told by a pastor a couple of months after she died that the reason why my mom had suffered cancer for so long was because she had sin in her life. A pastor! This was a lie I now know not to be the Truth, but unfortunately a lie that cost my peace of mind for a very long time. Side note, this is also a reason why I am so passionate about the Truth and speaking it correctly, both individual and corporately as a church, because I have experienced first-hand what false doctrine can do to a person!

It was during these terrible moments of questions and pain though, that I met the Lord in His goodness, let His word speak over me and rediscovered my faith was not strong enough to rescue myself.  No, I needed a God that was greater than myself, higher than my perception and stronger than my present circumstance. I realized I was not good enough in my own power to take myself out of the great pit of darkness that I was in. “Who could ever save me from myself?”… “How Could God ever love me in this deep of mess and shame?” are questions that I asked myself often in my own torment and sadness.

Yes, I needed a Power that was greater than I, and when I was well acquainted with my own brokenness and sin, I met Grace face to face. I knew there was no good I could do, and that Grace saved me. A breath of fresh air! My friends, don’t ever believe in another gospel but this; that it is by GRACE you have been saved. Not according to your own works but by the saving power of Jesus Christ alone! Any other form of the gospel will lead you astray and down a terrible path of pride and self-righteousness. This is life changing news! I have honesty never been the same since this realization! I have seen the very rock bottom of weariness and pain and the Lord rescued me, not by my own works or faith, but His own resurrecting power. He resurrected me from the dead and I can never be the same.

Fast forward since that moment, God made it clear to me that until He said otherwise, I was to let go of all my plans, dreams of the future to begin the healing process of my heart, and teach me about family, roots, community and life within a healthy church body. He knew what I needed even when I didn’t understand all of the time, but I did love Him enough to give Him my heart in submission. The Lord puts boundaries around us not to control us but to protect us. That is what a good Father does. I used to be afraid of such boundaries but have come to realize the safety of borders He places around us.

Psalm 16:6 says, “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.”

He has taught me so much about being faithful where you are planted. Stewardship is a kingdom principle, something I could never have known without the Lord, His discipleship and community of believers. It has been in these last several years that I have discovered that You can find the Lord today in as much as you can find Him the tomorrow. For the dreamers and visionaries, that is such a difficult thing to grasp. It takes daily surrender to give the Lord sight in the natural and exchange it for His eyes! And wow, have I also failed massively in this arena as well. I have made so many mistakes along the way! I have grown impatient with the Lord (Hey, this is real talk!) and in my present circumstance! But with all of those years of wrestling with God with these visions of the future and the not quite yet – He has met me right here in the middle. Every time I have wrestled with the Lord for longings of the future, of the dreams I KNOW He has placed in my heart, He has met me with the steady gaze of His eyes. He never judged, He never grew tired of me, He never rejected or punished me in my process but welcomed me with open arms! And through this, I’ve come to realize, from beginning to end, He is the One that it has always been about. He is an ocean so deep of grace and affection, that I could never reach the bottom! He is a fully eternal, remarkably Holy, once unapproachable God that wants to meet us in our presently moving timelines every day just to be with us, just as He did in the garden! He is truly Emmanuel! It has been through this process of wrestling and pain with God that I have realized it was never about the destination, it has always been HIM! He IS the PROMISE LAND! And now that I KNOW, now that I truly KNOW, I can never be the same. I’ll give Him the Keys to my future, let Him lock the door and throw it away! The Promise Land was never a place, but a state of mind; a place of rest where we could find freedom and true joy, contentment and satisfaction only found in the arms of the Father.

Before I received that life-changing realization though, I can’t say this has always been the easiest process. No, in fact, it has been quite humbling in every way. He has stripped me of all myself just to find me as I am, bare before Him! Without the Lord, I am no good and full of pride! He has allowed me to go through the painful process of surrender so that He could shape me into the woman He has desired me to be all along!  

Joseph, a Dreamer, too, had to endure the process of pain and suffering before He received the promise. I love the story of Joseph because we see a man full of passion and zeal for God who had to walk through the “valley of humiliation” to receive the promise just like we all have. He had to suffer betrayal from his own flesh and blood, sold into slavery, thrown into prison, forgotten about, lied about, accused of sexual advancement… many situations that could have easily deterred and destroyed Joseph, or anyone else for that matter! The Bible says in Genesis 27, that Joseph told his brothers pridefully He would rule over them and that fueled hatred and jealously against him, even to the point where they mocked him! They announced as Joseph came near them, “Here comes the Dreamer!”.  An ironic, prophetic statement!

Yes, Joseph was a Dreamer indeed – a Dreamer that needed to learn the process before receiving the promise.

Through all of the ups and downs of Joseph’s story, we don’t get to see how Joseph was feeling but how he responded. During these moments, God was forging Joseph’s character in the secret to prepare him to carry the promises God had for his family and future generations. You see, God’s promises are hardly ever just for us, but for others. Lives depend on how we react to the pressure and weight of our circumstances! By the time Joseph’s prophecy comes true, He is a greatly humbled and changed man, openly weeping before his brothers. Joseph had every right to punish his betrayers, yet He chose forgiveness and gave glory to God!

“But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid! Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children. And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.” Genesis 50:20

Friends and Dreamers, I want to encourage you that no matter what you are going through or have been through, God is able to redeem it and use it for His glory. No current situation is too great for God to use for good in your life. Though this life is marked with so much pain and suffering sometimes, this suffering produces endurance that cannot compare to glory being forged within us! There is nothing that can separate you from God; not the death of a loved one, abuse, neglect, your thoughts of unworthiness, rejection, sin or shame! His grace is too deep and too wide. And be assured, NO ONE can hinder the plans that God has for you! NO ONE is powerful enough to do that, not even yourself!  

Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

God is looking for a humble people who are willing to endure the process to receive the promises that He has for each one of us. Those who are willing to endure the discipline of God to create the character and fruit of God! Those who are willing to go through the fiery furnace to come out as refined pure gold; someone that God can use! Yes, if you truly want to become great, we must endure the process. Many want to become great and carry the authority without paying the price! The Way is narrow, and the Kingdom of God is not an earthly kingdom. But I assure you, the reward that God gives far outweighs in comparison the reward and recognition of man. He is worthy of this cost!

So, Dreamers, I dare you to stand in the midst of adversity, suffering, pain and challenge. He is working for your good, creating a steadfastness inside of you that will allow you to change the world, your work, your family, your ministries, your enemies, your neighbors, marriages and friendships... and at the end, you shall be purified as gold and be used for His glory and good.